I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
