Yo dont text me then not text me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
