He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
