things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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