I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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