watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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