I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
