can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
