I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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