My room smells like vodka and shame
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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