i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
