Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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