So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize