dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
how do you play pong handcuffed?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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