watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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