I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
