i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
