someone threw a dead crab at me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
