I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
