i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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