FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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