I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
