she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize