How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
