I need to stop coming to work sober
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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