Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
