I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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