I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Found your dick twin last night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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