I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
