I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
