No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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