You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
