Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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