my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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