Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize