Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
40s are totally the cure
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
