Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
