He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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