it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
