I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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