Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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