connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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