i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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