Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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