scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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