i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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