$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
