I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize