I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
