One girl and one boy is just not enough.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
false alarm. still invincible.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize