fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
