literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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