first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
