Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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