I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize