R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize