Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
