Duck Duck Cougar?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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