i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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