Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
