dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
