Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
