He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
