Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize