the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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