bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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