she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
