I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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