I'm passing your future prison.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
