i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
