Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i love accidental penises.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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