What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
