so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
