he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
