Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
