dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
