the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
