My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
