I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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