this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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