Please, let me fuck your mom
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
