dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
