I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
