Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
