and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
