The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my being single is dangerous.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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