found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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