gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize