Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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