I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
