there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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