Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
