What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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