normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
