You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
