there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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