If i come over, it means nothing
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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