dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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