I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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