Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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