is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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