I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
